


I'll Make It Through (If I Stick To You)

by nothingwithoutyouxo



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Before the Maze (Maze Runner), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Canon Compliant - The Fever Code, Pining, Suicide Attempt, WICKED | WCKD is Not Good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28719111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingwithoutyouxo/pseuds/nothingwithoutyouxo
Summary: When he'd agreed to help design them, Thomas had been fascinated by the idea of the mazes. He hadn't yet considered what WCKD were truly doing with the trials. That all changed after he met Newt.
Relationships: Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner), Teresa Agnes & Thomas (Maze Runner)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	I'll Make It Through (If I Stick To You)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! This fic took me a while and I pulled from a lot to make it (the books, the movies, the scorch trials + death cure graphic novels), but this is primarily based on a few pages in the Maze Runner Origins comic that haunt me on the regular, so there's direct references to that. Basically I wanted to look at what would radicalise Thomas against WCKD, so that's what this fic is at its core!!
> 
> Trigger warning for Newt's suicide attempt, and the title is from Glue by Nat & Alex Wolff (which has nothing to do with these boys outside of the lyric I used but it does have a very convienent song title).

Thomas had always been fascinated by the maze. It was the idea that the kids in there would build their own society practically from scratch, form their own community, that was mesmerising in a way that WCKD didn’t seem to fully understand. Maybe they were too focused on their ‘cure’, on making their observations and running their tests, that everything else escaped their notice. As if it wasn’t worth thinking about, but it was the reason that Thomas had jumped at the chance to help design the mazes. Or maybe that was just how he rationalised it now, in hindsight. 

That all changed after a group of ‘subjects’ tried to break out. 

After Thomas met Newt. 

It was then that Thomas started to see WCKD for what they truly were. They weren’t “good” and the more he saw the phrase plastered to the walls around the facility the more agitated it made him. He was crawling inside his skin, desperate to do  _ something _ , but helpless as to what that could be. All he knew was that he couldn’t keep playing WCKD’s game. He  _ wouldn’t _ . The words that Newt had told him before being sent to the maze haunted him, becoming a mantra. 

_ “You’re not like the others. Don’t let them convince you that you are.” _

Teresa hadn’t seemed fazed by the ordeal. Then again, she was the one that had lied to the group of gladers about knowing an escape route, leading them instead right back into the clutches of WCKD guards. More than anything, Thomas hated that he hadn’t caught onto that sooner. He didn’t trust as easily now in the aftermath. 

Whenever Thomas brought it up with her, questioning why the hell she’d done that, she was quick to remind him that WCKD was good. That the gladers would have died in the scorch if they’d made it out. She was so quick to tell him just how safe they all were here. Thomas couldn’t find it in him anymore to believe her. 

Instead, Thomas focused on being as close to that maze as he possibly could. He watched the cameras, watched as the boys who he knew couldn’t remember him or even each other anymore started again. All it did was water the seed of rage that had planted itself inside of him.

***

A quiet buzzing sound, the humming of dozens of computers, was the only thing that let Thomas know he was well and truly awake. The labs had started emptying out, marking the end of the afternoon shift, and he was alone once again watching the live footage directly from inside Maze A. His mind was entirely focused on the boys inside through the slightly shaky footage of the beetle blades (that he now hated he’d helped design). It was nearing sundown and the runners were all on their way back to the glade. Thomas watched them, counting off as each team made it through the doors. He’d practically memorised the schedule of the gladers, almost unconsciously. 

Everything moved in patterns, slick and easy. The practiced surety of a group of kids that somehow knew exactly where they needed to be at all times. Work was winding down for the day and Thomas watched as the gladers slowly started to group up instead. Track-Hoes coming together in the fields, Winston and the slicers making their way out of the bloodhouse. It was all moving exactly as it should. There was only one difference. 

Newt had left his post and was heading for the maze. 

It made Thomas uneasy in a way that he couldn’t explain. Newt was alone, and with the sun dipping in the sky, he could very easily slip away without anyone noticing. Like he’d planned it that way. There was something wrong, but Thomas had know idea what it could be. Or what he could do about it. 

His stomach churned inside him and Thomas’ mind worked a million miles an hour to figure out  _ why  _ this was happening. He programmed a beetle blade to stay trained on Newt and scoured the rest of the glade for a source, for something that he’d missed. There wasn’t a reason for Newt to go into the maze. All the runners were back. Thomas had counted them himself. What was he doing? The doors would close soon. 

When Thomas realised what was going on in Newt’s head, it was too late. He watched as the boy climbed a set of vines against one of the walls, making it to a high up ledge. Newt seemed skittish, glancing around him as if to check that he was alone. He took a steadying breath, and Thomas watched as Newt’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. 

Then he jumped. 

Thomas jolted in his chair, as if he could reach through the screen and catch Newt. In his shock, he had to strangle a scream, and hoped that no one heard him. Unfortunately, he wasn’t so lucky. 

_ Thomas? _ Teresa’s voice sounded in his head. She must have been able to feel the shift in him, something he’d forgotten in the moment that their telepathic connection allowed for. 

He really didn’t want to talk to her right now, worried that he wouldn’t be able to come up with anything coherent anyway. Thomas  _ really  _ didn’t want her to accidentally hear him thinking about Newt. 

_ I’m fine _ , he replied, and quickly cut their connection,

Mind racing, Thomas desperately tried to think of something that he could do to  _ help _ . He checked the time in the maze: 16:55. He had to think fast. The doors were going to close soon. Checking the cameras, Thomas noticed that all of the runners were already in the map room, tracing up their sections for the day. It would take them too long to make it back to the maze. He needed someone closer. Someone that he trusted to get to Newt. 

Before he registered what he was doing, Thomas was programming another beetle blade and set it on course towards another glader. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was thinking about just how dangerous this was. He was essentially tampering with the maze trials and if anyone at WCKD found out about that … he didn’t want to think about what would happen. At that moment, he didn’t even  _ care  _ what they would do to him. It didn’t really matter as long as he got to save Newt.

_ Nothing  _ mattered as long as he saved Newt.

The beetle blade had scuttled up to Alby, who was staring down at it, confusion clear in his expression. Thomas didn’t blame him. Usually the beetle blades stayed far enough away from the gladers, tracking them but not interacting directly. Just there in order to reinforce the idea that whatever the boys did, they were being watched. Thomas programmed the beetle blade to crawl onto Alby’s leg. 

He kicked it off quickly. Thomas did the same thing again. Then scuttled far enough away that Alby wouldn’t kick it again, and paused. Thomas was trying to get Alby to follow it. He wished that the stupid things could  _ talk.  _ It would make this a lot easier. 

The beetle blade moved towards Alby again, and then away. Alby glanced around him and then seemed to sigh to himself before following it. Thomas knew he was running out of time but he moved the blade as quickly as he could, with Alby in pursuit. 

Alby seemed cautious, even suspicious, and he stopped as the beetle blade crossed the threshold into the maze. Thomas knew what was on his mind. He was thinking the same thing. 

He continued with his tactic of the beetle blade jumping onto Alby until he followed. Thomas checked the time again: 17:12. This was going to be close. 

Thankfully, Newt hadn’t gone deep into the maze. The beetle blade scuttled along the floor and as soon as Alby spotted Newt, he picked up the pace and sprinted towards him.

He fell to his knees next to Newt, fingers pressing against Newt’s neck to check for a pulse. Thomas waited with baited breath for his reaction. His own heart was thudding in his chest, adrenaline pumping through him. When Alby let out a sigh of relief, so did Thomas. 

Alby glanced at the beetle blade, his eyes narrowed. Thomas could tell that he wasn’t sure what to think about the stupid survillance creature. He nodded silently, and Thomas thought that might have been a thank you.

_ No, thank  _ **_you_ ** _ ,  _ he thought.

***

“What happened with you earlier?” Teresa asked as she sat on the bed across from him.

Thomas felt sick at the thought, but at least Alby had managed to get Newt back to the glade. The two of them had seconds before the maze doors closed behind them. It had been far too close. 

“Someone tried to kill themself in the maze,” he muttered.

Teresa’s eyes lit up in a way that made Thomas’ chest feel tight, and his stomach flip-flopped uncomfortably. 

“Really?”

He hated that this was  _ interesting  _ for her, exciting even. He nodded silently. 

“Did they die?”

Thomas’ hand clenched into a fist in his lap. His mind immediately thought of how Newt’s had done that before he jumped, and Thomas felt like crying. He swallowed heavily. 

“No.” If he sounded bitter, he didn’t care.

Teresa didn’t seem to notice. As Thomas glanced up at her, he saw that she’d grabbed a pen, and pulled a notepad from her pocket. It was like she was jotting down notes for a test. Thomas didn’t hate Teresa, he didn’t think he could, but in that moment as he watched her bright eyes trained on the page, he almost did. 

“I can’t wait to see the brain patterns it produced in the morning.”

Hearing her say that certainly didn’t help her case. “It was Newt,” he found himself saying, hoping that it would mean something. 

Her brow furrowed, which meant that it didn’t. “Who?”

Thomas had to take a deep breath to stop himself from gritting his teeth. It wasn’t  _ her  _ that he was angry at, and he didn’t want to take this out on her. “He was with the group that tried to escape. The blonde one.”

“Oh,” she muttered, jotting something else down. “Subject A5.”

“Is that all they are to you? Just numbers?”

She seemed upset by that, and Thomas was glad that he’d finally broken through to her. Teresa shook her head. “Thomas, we have a job to do,” she reminded. “WCKD is good.”

Maybe he should have known better than to talk to Teresa of all people about this. Even so, it still stung coming from her. They were friends after all. Thomas turned away from her, throwing himself down on the bed and staring up at the iron bars of the bunk above him. 

“This has really shaken you,” she said, and she almost sounded sorry.

“Yeah,” he muttered. 

He wanted to think about anything else, but his mind kept looping back, kept forcing him to relive it.

***

If Thomas couldn’t talk to Teresa, then he didn’t think he wanted to be around her right now. It wasn’t that he wanted to be alone, Thomas couldn’t be left with his thoughts right now, but after what she’d said, he  _ needed  _ to be away from her. Just the implication that Teresa only saw the others as numbers, as ‘subjects’, made him a unique mixture of deeply upset and inherently furious. Thomas tried his best to push the anger away. He hated being angry, hated the way his blood would run cold. Hated what his thoughts turned to. 

He redirected it to WCKD, who had made Teresa the way she was. Thomas thought about this, as he passed the words “WCKD is good” on one of the walls in the facility. It was the brainwashing that had done it, Teresa wouldn’t be like this otherwise, he tried to reason with himself. She hadn’t meant what she’d said. The maze trials were stagnanting, and she just wanted  _ something  _ to happen. 

As he made his way through the halls, dodging passed WCKD staff, Thomas wasn’t thinking where he was going. Somehow, his brain still took him to where he needed to be, and by the time Thomas got there, all the anger had left him. Now he was just … sad. Thomas knocked on her door and waited. 

Brenda took one look at him and quickly pulled him into her room.

“What the hell happened?” she asked.

He realised then in that moment just how exhausting the last few hours had been, his energy was completely drained, the opposite of his adrenaline-fuelled state during the ordeal. It was all starting to catch up to him and Thomas swallowed back tears, determined not to cry in front of Brenda. He noticed Jorge look up at him from his own bed in the room. 

Brenda must have realised what he was doing, and she quickly pulled Thomas into a hug. It would have been nice except now it was even harder for him not to cry. Her next words sent a shock wave through him. 

“Is it Newt?”

Thomas often forgot how much Brenda knew him, how much she paid attention when he talked to her. It wasn’t that Teresa didn’t, but her mind was always somewhere else, always thinking about WCKD and the effectiveness of the maze trials. Brenda didn’t do that. Sometimes Thomas thought she didn’t care about WCKD at all. Maybe it was one of the things he liked most about her.

“Almost,” he muttered, answering her question. A few tears managed to spill over and he buried his face against her shoulder, finally letting himself  _ feel _ . 

Brenda squeezed him tightly and then pulled away. She ushered him over to her bed, and got him to sit down, then quickly took a seat next to him. 

“Did you want to talk about it?” she asked, her hand resting against his knee. 

Thomas stared down at it. He was grateful for the contact, for the reassurance, but couldn’t help but think this wasn’t what he’d expected from her. He hadn’t realised just how concerned about him she would be. He glanced up, eyes flicking between Brenda and Jorge, who had taken to slowly watching him just the same. 

Jorge nodded at him, as if prompting him to continue. Thomas hadn’t even realised that Jorge knew about Newt.  _ Did everyone know about Newt? _ The thought twisted painfully inside him, and he had to shift, had to move somehow to force it away again. He crossed his ankles. 

Taking a steadying breath, Thomas rested his hand on top of Brenda’s as an anchor. “He jumped off the wall of the maze,” he managed. 

“What?” Brenda muttered. She sounded almost as upset as Thomas felt, and he squeezed her hand in response as a reflex to comfort her. 

“Maze doors were about to close. Don’t - tell anyone but I made sure someone found him.” Thomas looked between the two of them, and felt a wave of trust. This was safe. 

“How?” Jorge asked, leaning forward. 

Thomas shrugged. “Programmed a beetle blade to just jump on someone until they followed it.”

A smile appeared on his face, as if Jorge was proud. “Good job, hermano.”

He couldn’t think of the last time someone had been  _ proud  _ of him. It was a lot to take in. “I had to think fast. I don’t know, I think that’s the only thing I could have done.”

“But someone found him?” Brenda asked. 

Thomas nodded. “Brought him back to the glade. He’ll be ok, right?”

He wasn’t sure why he was asking. It wasn’t like Brenda had been there, or knew how medicine would work in the glade. Even so, she nodded, and Thomas felt the coil of anxiety within him relax just a little. 

‘Sometimes I wish I was in there,” he admitted, and wasn’t sure why, “but if I had been then Newt would be -”

“Don’t let yourself think like that,” she interrupted, and he was grateful for it. 

“I guess if I was in the maze I’d forget everything.”

“Only if the swipe worked.”

Thomas looked over at Jorge to see the man was deep in thought. “It always works?” It sounded like a question, and Jorge stared at him for a moment.

“Depends who does the procedure.” His voice was steady, but there was an undercurrent to the words, a meaning that Thomas didn’t understand.

He glanced over at Brenda and watched her catch on to exactly what Jorge meant. Their eyes met and she laughed at the confused look on his face. 

She tapped her fingers against his knee. “I have to introduce you to someone soon.”

***

Newt had probably broken his leg. Thomas had no way of truly  _ knowing _ , but he made a lot of assumptions over just how long it took Newt to heal, and the specific types of pain medication that Clint and Jeff asked for. Thomas didn’t handle anything to do with the box, or the supplies, but he recognised the vials that the boys carried back to the homestead. Outside of that, there wasn’t much that the Med-Jacks could do for him. 

Thomas’ heart ached, and he longed to know what had brought Newt to this point. It stayed on his mind, keeping him up at night. He often wondered if there was anything he could do that would steer Newt as far away from that dark place as possible. Of course, Thomas knew that at the very least there was nothing he could do from his current position, locked up in the WCKD facility. Hell, Newt wouldn’t even know who Thomas was anymore. Maybe that was always what hurt the most. Truthfully, above everything, Thomas only wanted to keep Newt safe. 

In just under two months, Newt was up and walking again. It was definitely too early for him to be doing so. His leg hadn’t fully healed, but Thomas could somehow sense that Newt would  _ hate _ the idea of just sitting around and waiting. The result was that Newt was often hobbling along with his new limp, leaning heavily against Alby as he tried to re-immerse himself in the glade. 

Now, almost three months after the fall, Newt could walk primarily unaided. His limp had hung around, but the most important thing was that Newt was  _ alive _ . He’d even transitioned back into the fields, Zart staying close to his side as a helping hand. Alby continued to hover around Newt, even during work hours, as if he was worried what would happen if he left Newt alone for too long. Thomas knew he would do the same in his position.

He wondered if Alby was as worried as he was about something else happening to Newt. Surely, if he was back at work then he would be ok. Right? As Thomas watched through the cameras, he felt his resolve burn through him again. Brenda had mentioned introducing him to someone, and he would have to follow up with her on that. 

Thomas was ready to go into the maze. 

***

Dr. Cooper wore a white lab coat with the WCKD logo pressed onto the front, and usually Thomas would flinch away from someone dressed like that, but her demeanor was entirely different. She looked at him with a softness in her eyes and insisted in a gentle voice that he call her  _ Mary _ . It was completely different to what Thomas had been expecting, but not unwelcome. It was nice to actually see there was still some humanity in the facility.

Mary had also just nearly overloaded Thomas with information. He was sitting in a chair on one side of her lab, tucked into a corner with Brenda at his side, who was spinning absently in her own chair at this point, probably a little bored. Thomas knew that he’d been asking too many questions, but Mary was being incredibly patient, her hands clasped neatly in her lap as she explained everything to him. Some of it had rung bells in his mind.

The Right Arm, for example. As soon as Mary mentioned the name, Thomas was brought back to his moment with Newt just before he was taken by WCKD guards. Just before he was sent into the maze. He’d mentioned that his father made contact with the organisation, though Thomas had no idea at the time what it was outside from a possible safe haven for immunes. Thomas was quick to relay this to Mary, who nodded at him seriously in response. He wondered if she knew the man in question. Or if she’d known Newt. 

Thomas worked hard to put together the pieces Mary was telling him. Yes, the swipe worked every time, but the procedure could be mimicked if someone was willing to take a risk. A very large risk because Jansen looked over every single instance of a subject being swiped from behind the glass windows of the lab. That way he ensured that everything happened exactly as it should. If Thomas knew anything about Jansen, it was that the man would  _ never  _ let anything slip through his fingers. He had an iron grip on WCKD and everyone within it. Part of the perks of being Associate Director, Thomas supposed. 

Just the thought of Mary having to lie directly to Jansen’s face made him uneasy. He didn’t want to put her at risk, and as much as he trusted her when she said she could do this, he didn’t trust Jansen not to tear the place apart if he found out. 

Brenda had stopped spinning and rested a hand against his knee again, as if she could tell what was on his mind. 

“How do you know he won’t find out?” he asked. “If he watches the whole thing -”

Mary held up a hand to silence him. “Jansen doesn’t know anything about the actual procedure,” she explained. “He knows what it looks like, and that’s easy enough to imitate.” 

“So we can just … pretend that I got the swipe?” 

She nodded. “Exactly.”

“And that’ll work?”

Brenda’s nails dug the knee of his jeans, as if to tell him to shut up. 

“Sorry,” he apologised quickly.

Mary just smiled at him. “You still have time to think it over Thomas. There’s no reason for you to go into the maze just yet.”

Thomas’ fist clenched in his lap, reminding him of his reason. He shook his head. 

“I’m ready.”

***

“I’m impressed,” Brenda was saying as she closed the door of her room behind the two of them. “You were great in there.”

Thomas shrugged, his mind just a little too far away. Now that they’d settled the swipe, he started worrying over the next issue. 

“What if they don’t let me go?” he asked.

Brenda’s brow furrowed, and she nudged him gently until they were both sitting on her bed once again. “Don’t you have friends in high places?” she asked, crossing her legs underneath her and turning to face him directly.

He looked at her for what had to be too long, trying to figure out what she meant. 

Cracking a smile, she rolled her eyes at him. “Teresa,” she reminded. “Isn’t she an extension of Ava Paige at this point?”

Thomas hadn’t even thought about bringing her into this. He wasn’t even sure he wanted her to be involved. “I guess,” he muttered.

Brenda nudged at him gently. “See? You’ll be running around in that maze in no time.”

“I don’t really care about running,” he said. 

“Oh, I know what you care about.”

Thomas didn’t like how she’d said it. He didn’t like what it meant. Maybe it was irrational, but Brenda  _ knowing  _ made him anxious.

She leaned forward and pressed a hand to his shoulder, as if she could tell. “Hey, I’m not judging you,” she said, her voice softer than he thought it would be. “I almost did the same, you know.”

His eyes met hers for the first time since they’d sat down. “What?”

“It’s different but when Jansen told me they were going to send my brother into the maze … I tried to punch him.”

Thomas didn’t say anything. He thought about the sinking feeling he’d had when he found out about Newt. About the  _ rage  _ that had so quickly replaced it, the way it sizzled so consistently under the surface of his skin. 

“I always want to punch him,” he mused. “Guess that’s why they don’t let me in the same room as him anymore.”

Brenda laughed, and the sound made Thomas crack a smile in response. “You make sure you get those boys out of there,” she said. “All of them.”

***

Thomas knew this was risky, but Teresa was his best bet. If she managed to convince Ava Paige to let him into the maze then Jansen would be forced to let him go. He knew that Teresa got along well with Ava, the two of them often working together on the cure. Thomas knew that the woman would listen to her if she asked for Thomas to be sent into the maze. 

She was sitting across from him again, legs tucked underneath her as she made notes in a pocket notebook. Her pen was pressed against the corner of her mouth, and her brow was furrowed like she was going over a particularly difficult problem. Thomas didn’t want to waste anymore time. He had no idea how long it would take Teresa to convince Ava Paige anyway, and he was sick of sitting around and staring at a screen. 

“I want to go into the maze,” he said, breaking the almost unsettling silence between them. 

Teresa startled, looking up at him. The pen fell from between her fingers and landed on her page with a soft  _ thump _ . “What?” she asked. “Thomas you’re a programmer. They need you here.”

For just a moment, Thomas wondered what Teresa would be like away from all of this, away from WCKD. He wondered what it would be like to know her in a world where her first thought wasn’t collecting data or protecting an institution that had done nothing except uproot a bunch of kids. 

“This is something I need to do,” he continued. “Teresa, there’s other programmers.”

She looked at him, her eyes sad. “None of them are you.” 

It was the most vulnerable statement he’d heard from her in months. Thomas felt something pull at his heart and he had to stop himself from feeling sorry for her. 

“Where’s all this coming from?” she asked, casting her notebook aside on the bed and latching her fingers into the fabric of her shirt. “Why do you want to go into the maze?”

_ For Newt _ . That wasn’t something he could tell her. Teresa could never find out about that. It was too personal, something that he kept locked inside him. Something that only Brenda, and apparently Jorge, knew about him. 

Before Thomas could say anything Teresa got up, moving to his bed and sitting down next to him. Her hands stayed firmly in her lap. “Is it because of what happened to that boy?”

Thomas almost found it funny how this time she actually referred to him as a boy and not a  _ subject _ . He clenched his jaw. 

“Thomas, it’s all part of the trials. You know that.”

He shook his head, ignoring her words. “Can you tell Ava Paige you think I should be sent inside?” he asked.

Her eyes widened, and there was something in her expression. She almost seemed frustrated with him, and a little hurt. “Why would I do that?”

“Because she listens to you.” Thomas stared down at his lap, folding his hands together. “You know she does.”

“She also thinks you’re important, Thomas. She wants you here.”

“You don’t know that.”

Teresa sighed, and it definitely seemed like she was angry with him now. 

He swallowed his pride. “You know I wouldn’t ask this of you if I didn’t think it was important,” he said.

Thomas could feel her eyes on him, so intently as if Teresa was studying him. “There’s something you’re not telling me,” she said finally.

Shaking his head, Thomas met her gaze. “You know I wouldn’t keep things from you,” he muttered.

She softened at that, and Thomas pushed away the wave of guilt at having to lie to her. “If I ask her to send you in, I’ll lose you,” she said, and rested a hand against his arm.

At least if he managed to swerve the swipe he’d be able to remember her. Was that better or worse? Thomas rested his hand on top of hers gently. “You always say we should keep trying to make the trials as effective as we can,” he said, and the words made him sick to his stomach.

Teresa smiled at him, which didn’t help. “So you agree with me?” she laughed, the sound light. “WCKD is good.”

“Could be better if I get into that maze.”

She nodded, the smile still in place. “I can ask,” she said. “No promises.”

Thomas pulled her into a hug, and wished that it felt normal. They hadn’t hugged a lot lately. “Thank you,” he said against her hair. 

***

As Thomas watched the newest addition to the maze be toured around by Alby, he felt the ever present sickness that had settled inside of him. They’d sent in a  _ kid _ . He seemed to be no more than thirteen. Thomas had never met him before, but watching his tiny form next to the others, who while still kids themselves were at the very least  _ older _ , helped fuel his rage. 

With every day that passed Thomas couldn’t even begin to fathom that he’d ever helped these trials. That he’d ever wanted them to happen. The person he’d been all those months ago felt so far away from him now. He wondered if he’d ever be able to live with himself again. He wondered if he’d tell any of the boys about it when he joined them. 

His eyes moved away from the new kid, and lingered on Newt again. He was back in the fields with Zart, the two of them picking vegetables and laying them carefully into woven baskets. They were both deep in conversation, and seemed to be laughing at something. It made Thomas’ heart ache. He wished that he were with them and he felt stupid for feeling that way. Completely and utterly stupid. 

Thomas felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind, and tried not to flinch away from Teresa as she rested her chin lightly against his shoulder. He tried to push away the sinking feeling in his stomach, and the warm one that erupted when Newt laughed again on screen just the same. Talking to Teresa right now didn’t seem like the best thing to do, so he didn’t say anything to her at all. 

“He’s looking better,” she said, her crossed wrists hovering just a few inches above his chest. The movement was casual, and she sounded like Newt’s health actually  _ mattered _ . For just a second, Thomas could imagine that everything was normal between them again. Maybe part of him wished that it still could be. 

He reached up and locked his fingers with hers gently. Thomas still wasn’t sure how to word any of this yet. She’d asked about Newt a few times since he’d tried to get her to talk to Ava Paige, but he shied away from questions. He wondered if she could tell why. He worried that she could. Even so, he still felt a pang of happiness that she still seemed to care about him. At least there was that.

“You’ve been so worried about him,” she continued, and he could tell that she was treading carefully now. Thomas couldn’t help the wave of  _ panic  _ that washed over him. Would that ever go away? “I’m - I’m glad he’s ok, Thomas.”

Thomas titled his head to the side so he could look at her. Teresa’s eyes were trained on the screen, trained on Newt as much as Thomas’ always were, but she seemed like she understood. He couldn’t help but be relieved that she meant what she’d said.

He squeezed her hand gently as if to say  _ thank you _ . 

She nuzzled against his shoulder in return, and Thomas gathered it was another attempt at a hug. For some reason, it made him laugh and she smiled just the same. 

“I spoke to Ava,” she said, her voice quiet as they settled again.

Thomas’ heart rate picked up. “And?” he asked, when she didn’t continue. 

She paused, and in the glow of the screen in front of them, Thomas could see her eyes turn sad. “What am I going to do without my best friend?” 

At first, he didn’t register the response, but then it slowly started to sink into his brain. 

“Really?”

Teresa let go of him and stood up as he spun in his chair to face her. She seemed conflicted, happy that he was clearly overjoyed, but devastated because of what it all meant. “You didn’t answer my question,” she said, somewhere between serious and teasing.

Thomas shook his head, because he couldn’t answer that yet. Not now. He jumped out of his seat and pulled her into a hug. “You’re the best,” he said, trying to put as much emotion into the small phrase that he could. She had to know how much this meant to him.

As she pulled away, Teresa looked like she might cry. “You owe me one.”

***

Thomas practically ran through the hallways of the facility, earning annoyed looks from WCKD employees. He couldn’t care less. As he reached the door to Brenda and Jorge’s room, he rapped insesently on it until it was pulled open. 

“What the  _ hell  _ do you think you’re -”

Brenda broke off when Thomas threw his arms around her. The sheer force of launching himself at her had pushed her backwards into the room again and she let the door fall shut behind them. 

“No way!” she practically shouted, excitement running through her veins. 

“I’m going into the maze!”

“Shh!” she laughed, pulling away from him, but holding into his shoulders. “They’ll hear you.”

Thomas knew that she was right, but at that moment, he didn’t really care. He wasn’t afraid of WCKD anymore. 

***

It was a strange thing to be excited about, Thomas knew that much, and he was trying not to let on just how much he was. Somehow, he’d decided to project this image of himself to others: that he was just an employee wanting to do his best for WCKD. That he wanted to go into the maze because he felt like it was his time, that there was nothing more that he could do here in the facility. He projected this everyone: Jansen, Mary when he met up with her to discuss the swipe (and pretended to meet her again for the first time), even Teresa, which for whatever reason hurt him the most. 

Teresa had been growing more distant with him, pulling away as if she already needed to start the process of letting him go. While he’d decided that it really was a good thing that he would remember her, he didn’t want to remember her like this. 

“Hey,” he said, to prompt her attention one evening. The procedure was tomorrow, but he couldn’t go into the maze and leave their friendship this way.

Her workpad was steady in her lap this time, eyes downcast, and she didn’t respond. 

Thomas got up and moved to her bed, sitting next to her. “Hey,” he said again, reaching out and titling her chin up gently so she would look at him. 

“Hey,” she muttered, not even attempting to hide the tears in her eyes. 

The sight of it broke him, and he dropped his hand again. As headstrong as she was, Thomas wondered if she would be ok without him. Would she watch the cameras while he was in the maze? Like he’d done for Newt? Like Brenda used to for her brother?

“I still have one more night here,” he found himself saying, eyes still locked with hers. “What would you do?”

She wiped at her eyes then reached for him, resting a hand against his. And smiled. 

***

Thomas was taking deep breaths and trying to remind himself that the box was only a few stories high, even though it felt like this was going on forever. It was all part of the strategy that WCKD had employed. Thomas knew he was lucky, but couldn’t help but feel the panic the other boys must have when they woke up here with only the grinding of the metal. With no memories. 

Once again, he was filled with the deep set horror that not only had he watched this happen to the others, but that he’d  _ caused  _ it. He banged his fists against the metal floor of the box and gritted his teeth. Maybe he would never forgive himself for that. At the least very least, he still wanted to tear everything apart.

Now he could. 

Would that make up for it?

The box stopped and Thomas jolted, the sudden silence jarring. He continued to breathe deeply to steady himself, knowing that he had to seem normal in the glade, disoriented in the same way the other boys were when they arrived. Thomas’ ears filled with the sound of metal being lifted, and then his eyes were blinded by the sunlight as it filtered into the box. Thomas threw a hand up to shield them, listening to the chatter of the others above him. After a loud  _ thump,  _ Thomas squinted against the sun to see that Gally was standing above him. 

“You right there, greenie?’ he teased, a glint in his eye that was borderline terrifying. He must have had too much fun with this. 

Thomas nodded, and then squeezed his eyes shut again, allowing them another moment to adjust. Even the bright fluorescent lighting of WCKD couldn’t compare to this. He wondered if this was what the real sun felt like, out in the scorch. 

Gally reached down and pulled at Thomas’ arm, coaxing him to his feet and prodded him until he made his way out of the box. 

Thomas looked around at the faces of the boys that he’d been watching through a screen for so long, and felt his near-constant sickness raise its head at the thought. Here they were in front of him, and Thomas could hardly believe it. At least he knew that he wasn’t dreaming. The warmth of the sun on his skin seemed to prove that. 

All of the boys were looking at him curiously. Thomas recognised the youngest of the bunch, the one that had been sent in last month. Chuck, he’d learned. Then there was Gally, Ben, Clint, Jeff, Frypan, Minho, Alby - 

His gaze landed on Newt and Thomas sucked in a breath. There he was, just a few steps away from him. It was about the same distance that had been between them the last time they’d been in a room together. Right before - 

“Newt,” he muttered, and Thomas hardly registered the word. He hadn’t meant to say it, but he couldn’t stop himself. Something seemed to come over him and before Thomas could realise what he was doing, he’d taken those few steps, closed that distance and thrown his arms around Newt in a hug. 

They’d never hugged before. The closest they’d been was back when the boys were trying to escape, all crammed together in the dark hidden hallways of the facility. When Teresa had led them right back to WCKD guards. After that Newt had kept his distance, always on one side of the room. Always just too far from him. 

“I’m so glad you’re ok.” His words sounded strangled, like he could cry. It was a strange thought, but it was just hitting Thomas how much he’d  _ missed  _ Newt. 

Chatter broke out in the glade, confusion at what was happening. Newt was frozen against him and as Thomas’ brain started to catch up to him he had to suck in a breath. He’d blown his cover. Shuck, he hadn’t even been in the glade for five minutes. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

“What the bloody hell -?” Newt trailed off. There was no anger in his voice, just a waver in his tone that gave away how truly confused he was. It sounded like he was talking to the other boys more than he was to Thomas. 

With a crushing wave of embarrassment, heat that was in no way connected to the sun’s rays, Thomas pulled away. He swallowed hard and tried to think on his feet. How was he going to get himself out of this? He could play dumb, pretend like he’d had no idea what he was doing, but he wasn’t sure if his heart could handle that right now. 

Newt was looking at him like he was trying to figure out a difficult math problem, eyebrows pulled together and mouth in a hard line. It seemed like he was concentrating very hard, but there wasn’t a spark of recognition. Not in the way there had been when Thomas would sneak his way around to visit him in the facility. Thomas wondered if Newt was trying to remember him anyway, trying to pull something from the hazy memories of a time before the glade. 

The other gladers were still chatting around them, their confused mutters filling the space, but Thomas couldn’t look away from Newt. He hadn’t been able to look away from Newt since they’d met. 

Newt’s mouth opened as if he was about to say something, and then shut again. Thomas waited. “Do you know me?” he asked after a moment, his tone holding a softness that made Thomas jolt in his spot.

_ “You’re not like the others. Don’t let them convince you that you are.”  _

Thomas wanted to say yes. He wanted to tell Newt everything. About the trials and the maze. About WCKD. But he couldn’t find his voice yet. He thought about Jansen possibly watching him right now. Watching him disrupt the maze trials, wanting to kill him with his bare hands. Thomas entertained the thought of WCKD in shambles as a result. Alarms blaring, panicked business meetings. No, he thought, they didn’t care about him that much. They’d want to see what he did next. 

He met Newt’s gaze again. “We spoke a few times,” he admitted, “before the maze.”

The voices around him fell to a hushed silence.

Newt blinked, as if to process the statement, the idea of there being a  _ before _ . 

“I’m the one who sent the beetle blade to Alby so that he would find you after -” Thomas let the words fall away. The look on Newt’s face made him wish immediately that he could take them back. He bit down on his tongue, nails digging into his palms. 

“You sent one?” 

Thomas turned to look at Alby, who was next to them, and nodded seriously. 

He seemed to take that in, head slightly tilted to the side in thought. “You can control them?” he pressed, caution lacing his tone. 

Before Thomas could answer, Gally spoke up. 

“That means he’s one of them!” he called out.

Then everything started moving very quickly. Voices rose around him, panic filtering through the boys as they started to see Thomas as a threat, and slowly backing away from him. Unsure whether the creators had sent him, or what it could possibly mean if they had. Gally grabbed at him as if to detain him, and Thomas didn’t struggle. 

“Wait!” Newt called out over the voices, and just as quickly as it had started, everything fell to a halt. 

Thomas looked up at him and realised he was more in awe of Newt now than he had been when they’d spoken, or when Thomas had watched him through a screen. A part of him didn’t think that would have been possible. As a reflex, he tried to push the thought down again. 

Gally still had a hold on him, but let go with a huff when Newt gave him a stern look. 

Newt locked eyes with Alby, something silent passing between them, and Alby nodded. He took a few steps towards Thomas, so they were in front of each other again. 

“What did I say to you?” Newt asked. “Before the maze?”

Thomas nodded, more so to himself. He went through their conversations again in his mind, trying to find something that would be easy enough for Newt to digest. Something just personal enough that there was no way he could be lying. More than anything, Thomas just wanted Newt to  _ believe  _ him. 

“You mentioned your dad,” he settled on.

Newt’s eyes widened, and Thomas could tell that just the confirmation that he had parents seemed to be a relief of sorts. He swallowed, eyes falling to the ground and then looking to Alby again. “There’s no bloody way he could make that up,” he muttered, a breathlessness to his tone that Thomas’ mind latched onto immediately. 

Then, Newt said something that Thomas hadn’t even realised he’d desperately wanted to hear. 

“I trust him.”

The glade was deathly silent. Not even Gally wanted to dispute that. Thomas tore his eyes away from Newt and focused on the look of contemplation on Alby’s face. 

After a moment, Alby sighed. “Council room,” he announced, voice seeped in authority. “Now. Everyone else back to work.”

Movement erupted in the glade, the boys around him whispering to each other as they broke off and made their way back to their designated jobs. The keepers started heading towards the council room in a cluster. Thomas, Newt and Alby hadn’t moved. 

Newt took another step so that he was right next to Thomas, and rested a hand against his shoulder, as if to return the hug that Thomas had given him earlier. Thomas couldn’t help the fact that his heart sped up, especially when he saw the way Newt was looking at him. For just a second, Thomas thought that Newt might have been intrigued by him, almost like Thomas had always felt about him. He wondered what Newt was thinking. He wondered if Newt wanted to  _ know  _ him. 

“What’s your name?” Alby asked, approaching him and reaching out a hand. 

Newt’s hand fell from his shoulder, and Thomas already missed the contact. He took Alby’s outstretched hand and shook it. “Thomas,” he replied. 

Alby gave him a serious nod, and then let go. “Come on then, Thomas.”

He started walking and Thomas instantly fell into step behind him. He knew that he should have been looking around the glade, taking in what it felt like to be there in person, but part of his mind kept looping back to the feeling of Newt’s hand on his shoulder. He was all too aware that Newt was walking right next to him, and was trying to focus on keeping his heart rate steady. Thomas felt like he would either pass out or try to hug Newt again, and he knew he couldn’t do either of those things right now. 

“I’ll give you the tour later,” Alby added, and Thomas panicked at the thought that Alby could somehow read his mind. The other boy was facing away from him, so Thomas couldn’t make out his expression. 

“Looking forward to it,” he replied, and knew it was the truth. 

Newt seemed to be deep in thought next to him. Most likely going over everything that had just happened. He might even have been thinking about his parents, about the idea of a life outside of the maze. What he asked Thomas next surprised him. 

“Did I call you ‘Tommy’?” he broke the silence between them. His voice was quiet enough that Alby, who was a good few steps ahead now as if on purpose, might not have been able to hear him. 

Thomas jolted at the nickname, and the way it sounded in Newt’s voice. There was something affectionate about it, and Thomas felt a shiver go up his spine as he met Newt’s gaze. No one had given him a nickname before. Not until Newt. 

He nodded, not able to get his voice to work. 

The corner of Newt’s mouth quirked up into a smile, and Thomas had to drop his gaze to the floor. 

“That’s your name then,” he said. “At least to me.”

He could barely breathe, and Thomas hoped more than anything that Newt couldn’t tell. It was stupid to feel this way, Thomas tried to remind himself. He couldn’t give himself away so easily. 

While he was struggling for something else to say, trying to ignore his pulse rushing through his ears, Alby stopped in front of them. Thomas glanced up and found himself grateful that they’d reached the council room. The door was ajar, and he could hear voices inside. What were the keepers saying about him? About all of this? Thomas wondered how much he was going to tell them. This was something he would probably need a strategy for. 

“Alright,” Alby said, his voice drawing Thomas’ attention immediately. “You better not be lying, greenie.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty different to what I usually write, but I kind of like how it came out. Also, I wrote it before I read The Fever Code so any instances of the plot connecting to that is truly a wild conincidence. Y'all can find me over at [stranger-awakening](https://stranger-awakening.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you want to chat!! :)
> 
> Comments, kudos, etc., are appreciated!!


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